Self Esteem
Self esteem is the way you feel about yourself. Whether you value your attributes, skills and abilities or feel they are inadequate is a reflection of your self esteem. These feelings of value or inadequacy are guided by your internal voice, also known as your inner critic.
A positive inner critic will provide you with guidance and options. It will help you understand that challenges can be overcome and that negative experiences are not a reflection of your lack of worth. Rather, you may see challenging experiences as a way of understanding yourself and your strengths more fully, which in turn provides for more positive thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
A negative inner critic, on the other hand, will lower your self esteem. In this situation you may criticize yourself in an unjustified or unhelpful manner. For example, if you are faced with a challenging situation you may believe that you don’t have the strengths or skills to deal with it, rather than focusing on the skills and attributes that you do hold.
Low self esteem can result from the following types of negative self criticism:
- Thoughts which are destructive - for example, believing that you are weak, unworthy of good things in your life or not smart enough to be successful, rather than seeing that strength, goodness and success come in many different forms.
- Inaccurate thoughts or beliefs - for example, you may have successfully dealt with a challenging situation in the past but feel you are too flawed to deal with similar current events.
- Hurtful thoughts - if you do not feel worthy of love or respect, for example, your beliefs can further manifest in harmful ways such as thinking you are not worthy of success in any area of your life.
- Thoughts and beliefs which do not provide direction or options for personal growth - negative self criticism can make you feel you do not have the skills or attributes to deal with a stressful situation or to take advantage of a positive opportunity. Whereas a positive inner critic might allow you to see other options such as learning the skills you would need to deal with similar events in the future.
- Unreasonable expectations – such expectations can further compound feelings of worthlessness or fear. That is, feeling you should be able to cope with a situation even though you have never had the opportunity to acquire the skills or attributes required.
Some negative thoughts and beliefs may be unavoidable at different times of your life. They may even be appropriate if it means avoiding a potentially dangerous situation. Many forms of negative criticism have developed to motivate us to do better or to learn from our mistakes. However, if your negative inner voice becomes overwhelming or inappropriate, such as the examples above, it may limit the fulfillment you can gain from your experience, and seriously impact upon your mood, resulting in feelings of hopelessness or anxiety.
Learning to how to turn a negative critical voice into a positive one is a matter of looking at your criticism more objectively. It means developing the ability to see yourself with compassion in order to gain a broader understanding of your own potential. Like any new skill it may take some practice and a little guidance.
If you would like to know more about self esteem, please contact us (LINK). You might also like to have a look at the following books:
- Susan Mitchell, Be Bold, Simon & Schuster, Sydney, 2000
- McKay & Fanning, Self Esteem, New Harbinger Publications, 1992